(Online Dating News Blog) Another eHarmony free communication weekend is underway. This is where you can communicate with your matches on eHarmony for free. And there’s not a credit card required when you sign up! Start by registering at eHarmony then when you’ve filled out your profile and started getting matches, communicate for free now through Sunday! If you decide to sign up after the free communication weekend is over, be sure to use a eHarmony Promotion Code to save some money!
In this final episode of season one of Confessions of a Matchmaker, Patti Novak works with Melba (a wild mom) and Sean K. (who blogs about his sex life).
Here are some dating tips that can be learned from this episode…
Episode 13 (Sean K. and Melba) – Dating Tips:
- “When sex becomes an obsession, it can get in the way of finding real love.”
- “If you want a good guy, you gotta be a good girl.”
- If you’ve done things in your life that you are not proud of, forgive yourself, learn from it, and move on.
- When you go on a date, keep your drinking under control.
- It is highly inappropriate to write or blog about your sexual experiences with dates… especially when you mention them by name!
- As mentioned in previous posts/episodes, it is inappropriate to talk about sex on the first date.
Judging from the number of searches of people looking for Sean’s blog, one would wonder if he really deleted it or not! I was really disappointed in Sean because he claimed to be a gentleman, yet on his date he was all about sexual innuendos, disrespecting his date and turning her off to him real quick. Out of all the episodes this season, I think Sean is the most hopeless. Until he learns how to properly treat a woman, he’ll never find one that he can experience true love with.
Melba seemed to learn, particularly when Patti gave her a male version of herself for a date. Sometimes that’s what we need – to see ourselves in a mirror – in order to make an improvement to our lifestyle.
That’s it for the first season of Confessions of a Matchmaker. Thirteen episodes was too short for this first season. It is unknown at this time whether or not A&E will renew Confessions of a Matchmaker. They did move it from a great time slot to a unfavorable time slot in mid-season and that’s never a good sign.
Patti (with an i – not Patty) Novak is a matchmaker in Buffalo, New York. Her work is widely seen on A & E Confessions of a Matchmaker. In episode 12 of Confessions of a Matchmaker, Patti Novak works with Sean B. and Tonya. Sean B has trouble talking with girls because he is extremely shy. Tonya’s problem is that she is addicted to adult videos. Here are some dating tips that can be gained from this Episode
Episode 12 (Sean B. and Tonya) – Dating Tips:
- If you’re shy, you have to get over it and break through the barrier. Don’t think about it – do it. Otherwise you’ll be a fifth wheel (to your friends and their partners) forever.
- Lose your bad addictions, otherwise they’ll become a crutch to your dating life.
- If you have trouble with conversations on a date (because you are shy), memorize a list of topics before the date and practice asking questions. Good conversation topics include: music, family, career, favorite things to do. Do not ask about politics or religion!
- Alluding to sex and sex topics on a date is inappropriate.
In this episode, Sean B. kind of reminded me of myself when I was in high school – very shy. You become so fearful of rejection and what other people might think that it interferes with your ability to interact with the opposite sex. In high school, I was so frustrated with my shyness that I decided to do something about it. The first step was forcing myself to simply say “hi” to people when I passed them at school. I used to go out of my way to avoid passing some people because of my shyness.
The second thing I did was force myself to do public speaking. The first time was extremely hard and somewhat embarrassing (a story for another time), but by forcing myself to do public speaking, I quickly overcame my shyness. A secondary benefit was that in college I went on to represent the United States at a world speech competition in Sweden! Once I broke out of my shell and grabbed that confidence, there was no turning back. Life became a whole lot better.
While online dating is the best way for people to meet their potential soulmate, it is Godsend for shy people. I think that’s why Sean B. initially went to Patti – because he avoided having to ask someone out by having her match him. The same is true with online dating. Many shy people can shed the “shyness” when in the comfort of their home with a computer screen between them and the person they are communicating with.
A 24 year old female online dater from South Carolina has written about her online dating experience, for Online Dating Magazine, which shares some good online dating tips. The title of the user experience is “Online Dating Tips from an Online Dater“. Here’s an excerpt:
1) Some sites are scams. Beware of the emails that are created by the site itself but appear to be coming from an individual on the site. True.com is particularly bad about this.
2) Before giving any money to a site, check out their cancellation policy. Some have some very shady dealings.
3) Some sites are too narrowed in the questions they ask and how they match you up…
You can read the full user experience by clicking here.
Episode 11 of Confessions of a Matchmaker follows matchmaker Patti Novak as she helps Mike (a man with a busy lifestyle) and Sue (who doesn’t know how to flirt). Here are some dating tips that can be gained from this episode:
Episode 11 (Mike and Sue) – Dating Tips:
- Never put yourself down on a date. It will cause your date to look down on you or lose interest quick. If you can’t say nothing nice about yourself, then don’t say anything at all!
- If you want to fall in love, you have to make time for it. Love requires commitment.
- Keep inappropriate remarks to yourself.
- Don’t be too aggressive (or “in your face”) on a first date. It turns people off.
- Don’t be sarcastic on a date and don’t say rude things to your date.
- Learn to flirt.
- Keep a clean living space. It is representative of you.
- If you have self esteem issues, work on those first before going on dates.
This was an interesting episode because we saw some new things. Patti Novak gave Sue lessons on flirting and sent her on a date to try them out. However, instead of practicing what she had learned, she proceeded to tell her date, “I’m a very bad flirt” then told her the things Novak was teaching her. Bad idea! It’s appropriate to practice things you are learning, but probably not so good to tell your date about it. That kind of ruins the whole purpose.
I really didn’t get Mike at first. He has an ultra busy lifestyle, promises Novak he’ll change that to find love, then doesn’t call the people she matches him with because he is “too busy”?! If you want someone to share your life with, you must put an effort into finding that person and in fostering your relationship.
Favorite line from this episode:
Patti Novak finally gets Mike to set up a date in his busy schedule. The camera cuts to the minature golf course where Mike is waiting for his date to arrive. Novak says, “The date was off to an unbelievable start. To begin with, Mike showed up!”
Thanks to Patti Novak, matchmaking is a big business in Buffalo, New York. In Episode 10 of Confessions of a Matchmaker, Novak takes on Jamie (who has nearly 10 pets) and Grant (who is conservative and works for the Republican Party). Here are some dating tips that can be gained from this episode:
Episode 10 (Jamie and Grant) – Dating Tips:
- If you have an obsession (like lots of animals in your house), don’t talk about them on your first date.
- If you’re very conservative, learn to loosen up a bit and don’t dress too conservatively on your date.
- Be willing to try new things.
- Keep an open mind about the person you are dating.
Patti Novak’s name for this episode could have been “mis-matcher”. First she matches a woman who loves animals (and has quite a few) with a guy who hunts animals. Then she matches a guy, Grant, who works for the Republican Party and isn’t adventurous, with a girl who is very liberal (her family too) and who wants to date a guy who is very adventurous with a wild side.
Ironically, both dates worked out. There’s a lesson here and that is “keep an open mind”. Just because a person doesn’t have the same belief system as you doesn’t mean that it can’t work out.
Favorite line from this episode:
Patti Novak had told Jamie not to talk about her animals (which includes three cats). But her date, Tony, started asking her about pets. Novak’s voiceover is heard – “Tony had opened Pandora’s Litterbox”.
Second favorite line from this episode:
When Grant’s date finds out he’s conservative, she asks, “so you watch a lot of Fox News?”
Third favorite line from this episode:
Grant’s date asks him how adventurous he is and he responds, “I’ve been known to dance quite a bit a certain friends weddings after a few drinks”
How visitors describe this post:
- patti novak matchmaker (1)
In Episode 9 of Confessions of a Matchmaker, Patti Novak takes on Jack (a 38-year old Fratboy) and Andrea (a 53-year old that feels old). Here are some dating tips that can be gained from this episode:
Episode 9 (Jack and Andrea) – Dating Tips:
- Having a “crazy” look could make it hard for you to find a date. A lot of times people will use their look to cover up insecurities. Get beyond this – take care of your look and create that nicer and younger person that is deep inside.
- Don’t take your date to a place your friends will be hanging out at.
- Changing the way you look on the outside (new hip style of hair and clothes) will give you a confidence boost on the inside.
- Don’t turn your attention away from your date to someone else for a prolonged time. It is very rude and discourteous.
- Never make derogatory remarks about yourself on a date (“I’ve recently gained some weight”).
Guys, if you are at the place you’re meeting before your date and happen to be sitting down, stand up when she arrives for a proper greeting. In this episode, Jack is sitting at a table and his date walks in. He greets her without standing up. This is not respectful behaviour. It’s appropriate to stand up, greet your date, then sit after she has sat down. At all times you should be showing respect for the person you are on a date with.
Also, learn to read body language. In several episodes I have seen a guy droning on about himself and the women look completely bored. They could get up and leave and the guy wouldn’t even notice!
It’s important to train yourself to be fully aware of your date’s presence. And remember, the less you talk about yourself, the more your date will enjoy herself. Learn to make the date more about her and less about you.
I was not in the least bit impressed with Jack in this episode. He talked about himself, rarely asked questions, and left his date sitting alone while he hooped it up with his buddies (who just so “happened” to be at the same place he was). People with this type of attitude may have short-term success with like-minded people, but will never find satisfying long-term relationships.
Confessions of a Matchmaker with Patti Novak is a weekly TV series on A&E that follows Novak as she matches people and gives them dating tips to improve their experience. Here are some dating tips learned from Episode 8 – Mary and Mick:
Episode 8 (Mary & Mick) – Dating Tips:
- Learn how to act on a date. If you are rough around the edges then consciously work on softening those edges for your date.
- Don’t be negative. Leave your negativity at home. If you don’t have something nice to say during the date then just ask questions.
- Being a tough girl with an attitude scares guys away. Learn some manners and work to become more balanced… if you want to find love, that is.
- When you’re overly passionate about something (i.e. Mick and his music), you should probably not bring up the subject at all on your first date because it could become easy to get carried away and quickly bore your date (you won’t know he/she is bored because you’ll be too busy talking about your passion). Instead, invest in learning about your date.
- Dress appropriately for the place you will be having your first date. If it is a nice restaurant, jeans and a t-shirt are not appropriate.
- Be open-minded to ways of doing things (for example, if you have never gone to an art museum, go to one). Increase your horizons.
- Don’t talk down to your date (in answering a question his date asked him, Mick said “the money’s just not there, kid.”)
- Never insult the intelligence of your date. Treat them with respect and interest.
Mary was really rough around the edges. She goes out with a guy who likes art and makes derogatory comments about art. To her credit, she tried to learn some manners, but still scared away the two guys she went out on dates with because of her very direct, rough, and opinionated attitude. The lesson here is not to change your personality, but yet bring balance to your life through the learning of opposing forces. For example, if you’re always loud, opinionated, and negative then take a course in meditation. Learn to balance out the negatives with positives and it will make you a much more appealing person to date.
Time and time again, I hear people talk about how they went on a date with a hot guy or girl and when that person opened their mouth, they quickly became the most unattractive person in the world. There’s a lesson to be learned here. Attraction goes much deeper than looks. An average looking person can become very attractive to their date through manners, respect, being fun, and learning to listen.
Another tip I’d like to add from watching this episode: don’t sabotage your dates. There are some people who are afraid of success or afraid of finding love, so they tend to “sabotage” their dates or relationships. Don’t do this. You deserve love and you deserve happiness. Do everything possible to make both successful.
One of the hardest things to do in life is breaking up with someone, particularly someone who thinks the relationship is going great. In life, each of us are on a quest for that soulmate that compliments us in ways that no other can. Yet in that search, we sometimes hit stumbling blocks and discover that the person we are dating is not the right one. Then comes the hard part – how to break up without inflicting too much pain.
Today, Online Dating Magazine columnist Nicole Roberge addressing the issue of breaking it up in her column titled, Calling it Quits.
In addition to that column, here are some other links to articles that will assist you if you think it is time to end your relationship by breaking up…
And if you’ve recently been on the receiving end of a break up, here are some articles that have good advice and tips on dealing with it:
Technological advances in society, like the Internet and cell phones, have unfortunately made it “easier” to break up with someone. With the ease of online dating, I’m also seeing a growing trend of people not working through relationship problems, but rather quickly breaking up and returning to online dating.
Every week on A&E, Patti Novak dispenses dating advice to singles through her reality series Confessions of a Matchmaker. Below are dating tips that can be learned from Episode 7, Janet and Derek.
Episode 7 (Janet & Derek) – Dating Tips:
- Learn to be Self-Confident. You have to assert yourself.
- Don’t create a “wall of excuses” that keeps you from dating and dating success.
- It’s important to mentally be ready for love before you begin searching for love.
- If you don’t feel sexy or good looking, then get a makeover! Build your confidence before your date.
- To be good at dating, you sometimes have to take risks that put you outside of your comfort zone (like being self-confident).
- In order to let others in, you must first let your guard down.
One of the biggest inhibitors to successful dating is having a lack of confidence. If you are a person who lacks confidence, it’s important to first build that back up. I’d recommend the following books: