(Online Dating News Blog) Dr. James Houran, who publishes the weekly Office Hours with Dr. Jim column has answered a reader question from someone who keeps breaking up and getting back together with their partner. Here is an excerpt of Dr. Jim’s advice:
“…If break-ups happen because a couple can’t successfully resolve expectations and reach mutually accepted understandings, then on and off cycles are a huge red flag. If break-ups happen because one or both individuals in a relationship fly off the handle at the first sign of conflict or disagreement, then on and off cycles again are a wake up call. On the other hand, a couple could also experience on and off cycles due to intimacy issues that can be resolved with some openness and truthfulness…”
Click here to read the entire article.
And here are some more advice articles on breaking up:
- Breaking Up and Resentment
- Dealing with a Break Up and Relationship Closure
- Dealing with Break Up Pain
- How do I Break Up for Good?
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March 15th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
As a previous serial dater, and now the owner of an online dating site, I’ve seen plenty–and more than my share of on again off again relationships (which for me meant volatile relationships). In my experience, these type of relationships were about the women I was dating (and, sure, their relationship with me–because it takes two to tango). As I got older, and hopefully wiser, I started taking a better look at who I should date (as opposed to who, possibly, I thought I ‘wanted’ to date). There’s a big difference. Many of the women I went after were women who wanted a certain bit of drama in their lives, because if I reacted to the drama, that meant I cared. But for me that was the wrong type of relationship. I’m now in a great relationship with a great person–and truth be told, she’s a little different than the people I used to date. In a word, she’s better. Better for me, anyway, which is what counts. No more rollercoaster rides. And for me, that’s happiness.
May 9th, 2008 at 6:14 am
With regards to the last comment, I have to say I understand exactly where you are coming from. Why is it that some women feel the need to hurt and cause pain so as to ‘force’ their partner to show how much he cares. I always felt that I wanted a sensitive, gentle woman, but they are the ones in my experience who seem to crave the destructive attention I have just mentioned. I am stil in the market and looking for a stronger and ‘better’ woman. Thanks for a great post and subsequent comment.