Confessions of a Matchmaker is a show on A&E that follows matchmaker Patti Novak as she matches couples in Buffalo, New York. Here are some dating tips she offers in the third episode.
Episode 3 (Kevin and Brenda) – Dating Tips:
– Showing a lot of nervousness, saying “um” a lot, fidgeting, and displaying insecurity could make your date think you are socially awkward. Be confident!
– If you think you might forget the person’s name on the first date, then say his/her name 10 times in a row before arriving.
– Continuing to do things, as you get older, that you did when you were younger (like partying) could keep you from finding a long-term relationship and attract the wrong people (who are looking for something different – like just a fling) into your life.
– If you want commitment, remember that “party guys” don’t commit.
– Talk clear on your first date. Don’t mumble.
– Ask a lot of questions (particularly if you’re a guy).
– Don’t assume control on the first date (like ordering a drink for both of you without asking what the other person wants first). (This tip wasn’t from Novak, but rather from a girl who was matched with Kevin. He ordered them both white wine. She just wanted a beer and it bothered her a bit).
Patti starts this episode by saying, “one of the biggest obstacles in finding love is learning how to date.” The simple fact is that online dating is only one part of the equation to finding true love. The other is what happens when you meet. It’s the in person meeting that brings out your true colors.
Once I met a nice woman from Santa Maria, CA and our first date was to the Japanese Gardens in Santa Barbara (I like first dates that don’t involve “meeting at a coffee place”). We had a great time. However, during one of our talks, she said it was the first date she had been on in eight years! That’s probably information I didn’t need to know, because until that point I had no clue. And when a person volunteers that type of information on a first date, another might wonder “what’s wrong that this person hasn’t been on a date in so long?” In this case, it wasn’t a big deal to me, but to someone else, it might have been.
I once went on a date with a woman who was a casting agent for a network TV show and learned first hand that there were things I shouldn’t mention on a first date. We went miniature golfing in Sherman Oaks (saw Gary Busey there – the actor that looks like Nick Nolte) and then to dinner. At dinner she asked me about my job. I told her that I was the publisher of Online Dating Magazine and to her that threw up some red flags. She asked me if I was just on the date as “part of my job.” I assured her I wasn’t, but there’s no doubt in my mind that it still bothered her.
The point is that some things are best left unsaid until later in your dating experience with the same person. Sometimes what you say may seem harmless to you on a first date, but the person you are with may misinterpret it. Learn from these mistakes in order to have a better dating experience going forward.